


That Butler, Intoxicated

by ALPHAwolf



Series: Kuroshitsuji Crack [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Crack, Crack Pairing, Humor, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-08-08 07:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7749055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALPHAwolf/pseuds/ALPHAwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A drunk Sebastian creates all kinds of hilarious problems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Butler, Intoxicated

**Author's Note:**

> Crack crack and more crack! All the usual disclaimers and I hope you lol!

"PHANTOMHIVE!"

"Hmmm?" Ciel opened one lazy eye and gazed up from his pillow to the apparent dissatisfied blond. Alois stood before him, his hands on his hips in his usual garb, the tall stoic butler of his standing behind him, beside Ciel's open bedroom doors.

"Trancy!" He shot up, one hand under his pillow clutching the gun hidden there as he yelled out in shock.

"God Ciel, I've been trying to wake you up for aaaages! Haven't I, Claude!" Alois looked to his golden eyed butler who straightened his glasses and replied.

"Precisely thirteen point five seconds your highness."

"See! Now get up!" Alois grabbed the sheets and threw them back, revealing Ciel in his long white nightshirt. Ciel scrambled backwards as the blond reached for his arm to pull him out of bed.

"D-Don’t touch me!" The boy looked around the room franticly as Alois watched him impatiently. "Where's Sebastian?!"

"You tell me, hurry up it's almost lunch time!"

"L-lunch time? Sebastian should have woken me hours ago." Alois shrugged and reached for Ciel again. "N-No! What have you done to my butler!" Alois rolled his eyes at the accusation.

"Nothing! We just got here!"

"And Sebastian just happened to disappear did he? Who let you in anyway?"

"Your snake doorman. His snakes are actually kind of cute. He's not too bad either." The baby-blue eye beauty commented suggestively.

"Don't be disgusting!" Ciel slipped out of bed on the opposite side that Alois stood watching him. "Get out so I can change."

"Without your butler? Can you even do that on your own?" Alois asked smugly.

"Yes! Get out!" The blond smirked before leaving the room, leaving the door open slightly so he could peek in as Ciel stripped himself bare. The blond licked his lips and bit his lower lip as Ciel tried to find suitable clothing. He muttered something in an annoyed tone about having too much clothes and how stupid it all was.

Finally, when he had chosen a white long sleeve button-up with frills down the centre and on the sleeves, along with his usual navy shorts and other essentials like socks, he began to struggle to get the clothing on. Alois giggled and waited for the opportune moment, as Ciel was finishing up and struggling to do the first button of his shirt, when he flung the doors open.

"You’re taking too long Ciel~!"

"Waaah!!!" Alois skipped over before Ciel could stutter an argument and grabbed the shirt.

"What are you-!?" The dark-haired aristocrat shut up as he realized the other was buttoning the front up, rather quickly too, tutting as he re-buttoned some that had been matched up incorrectly.

"Oops~" The blonde’s hand slipped down the front of the half done up shirt, coming into contact with Ciel's skin as he smiled cheekily. Ciel's expression was terrified before he went back to an emotionless deadpan.

"Bastard get your hand out." Alois giggled and then finished buttoning up the shirt, humming all the while.

Once it was done Alois gave the frills a little poof and Ceil quickly walked past the other to the door.

"Hey, where you going? Ciel?!" He ignored the other who then rushed after him as he strode towards the head butlers room, more than a little annoyed.

"Cieeel! You forgot your patch!" Realization stopped him still and he quickly put his hand over his eye to cover the seal, lest he bump into one of the servants.

"Shit." He quickly turned around to run back and get it, but Alois was already walking over with a gloating smile and the eyepatch in his hand, holding it out for the other in an arrogant manner. Ciel huffed and snatched the patch, putting it over his eye and struggling to tie the back.

"You’re welcome. Need a hand?"

"No!" Alois huffed.

"Stubborn much." The younger sent him a dirty look to which the blond replied by poking his marked tongue at him.

Finally he managed a lose tie at the back of his head and again set off to the servant’s rooms.

Alois followed after him with Claud behind. The blond slid his and his rival’s hands together, interlocking fingers. Ciel tried to shake him off, without success as it appeared the blond had an iron grip and was surprisingly stronger than himself. Ciel glared at him as they walked, but Alois just smiled and swung their arms while he struggled to remove the blonde’s hand. He attempted to hurry ahead but unfortunately the other easily kept up. Bloody annoying lithe legged slut.

Finally they arrived at Sebastian's door. Ciel stopped in front of it, reaching for the handle as he noticed it was slightly ajar. Confused, annoyed, and curious he shook Alois off and carefully pushed the door open.

The blond looked over his shoulder inside as he poked his head in to see no one in the room, except a black cat curled up on top of a suspiciously shaped lump under the white sheet. The room smelt... Odd. Sebastian's coat and vest were carelessly heaped on the floor with his shoes on opposite sides of the room.

Alois followed after Ciel as he walked into the room, standing in front of the bed's end.

"Sebastian?"

There was a grumbled reply and the sheets shifted, waking the cat who poked its head up and stretched with a yawn before shaking itself and jumping onto the draws, up to the window, slipping away out the open gap.

Ciel took a frightful step back as the cat got up and watched it leave, then turned his attention back to the lump in the sheets.

"Get up you bastard! The hell do you think you’re doing sleeping in! Trancy let himself straight in, I could have been killed you fool!" He kicked the metal frame and Sebastian groaned, his body under the sheets getting up into a sitting position. He yawned and turned to look at them, the sheets slipping off showing he wore his half undone white shirt, black trousers and grey socks. His clothes where messy and crimpled, his shirt half off his shoulder and his hair messed up.

Ciel growled glaring at him while Alois seemed surprized. Sebastian slumped forward and made a dejected expression before groaning.

"Don wanna get uup." He fell back into the messy bed, leaving the two boys staring down at him stunned.

"What do you mean you don't want to get up you lazy bastard! I order you to get up!" Sebastian pulled his sheets up to cover half his head.

"Nooo." He hugged his pillow and yawned again. Ciel seethed rage, his hands in fists. He tore off his patch and repeated the order.

"Get up!"

"Mmmm." Was Sebastian's moaned reply. Alois could have sworn steam was shooting out of Ciel's ears. God knows what would happen when he exploded.

"Hey Claude, come get Sebastian up~!" It wasn't as fun seeing Ciel pissed when he wasn't the one who pissed him off.

Claude walked in the room, as he had been waiting outside the door, and stood by the others bedside. Sebastian peaked out the sheets looking up to the other, their eyes meeting, and the scarlet eyed demon grinned.

"Heeey Claaaudeeee." He got up to sit slowly, his body swaying slightly.

The two boys watched as Claude assisted the other in getting off the bed. Once he was finally standing, still leaning on the others chest, he yawned and wrapped his arms around Claude's neck.

"Carryyy meee." The stoic butler actually sighed and picked the other up, holding him what one would call 'bridal style'.

"I apologies on Michaels behalf-"

"Don call me Meekaeelss, Its ssooo booring! Call me wat you ussd to call me."

"What, bitch?" The stoic demon asked emotionlessly giving the other slight eye-contact.

"Nooo, not that one."

"Whore." Sebastian shook his head.

"Nnup."

"Slut."

"Nooo, the other one! You know," Sebastian put a hand on Claude's chest daintily and moved his head closer to the other’s faces to speak in a hushed voice, "the private one," Sebastian giggled, apparently amused, and Claude rolled his eyes.

"What the hell is going on!" The two butlers looked to Ciel and Alois. The blond looked amuse whereas the other was fuming. Sebastian quickly lost interest in them and looked up at Claude, made an obvious scheming face and bit his lip cheekily.

"It appears Mr Michaels is intoxicated currently."

"Drunk?! How!?" Sebastian reached for Claude's glasses still biting his lip.

"Most likely he was given an alcoholic elixir made for our kind." Claude payed no attention as Sebastian carefully pulled his glasses off and giggled.

"By who!?"

"I am afraid I would not know. Most likely a passing demon. It is a well-known stress reliever, and it appears he has had a significant amount." Sebastian put his glasses on and made an odd high pitch squeal like sound, a huge smile on his face as he let his head hang back. He appeared entertained by the look of the room through glasses upside-down.

"Well, how long will it last?" Sebastian laughed and kicked his feet excitedly before pulling himself back up.

"For the majority of the day most likely, and after he'll most likely have what you call a 'hangover', but he should have the ability to cook dinner, till then I suggest you monitor his whereabouts so he doesn't blow something up." Ciel watched horrified as his butler drew circles with his pointer finger on Claude's chest, his fingers walking up his neck to his cheek.

"Does he often blow things up?" Alois questioned before giggling as Sebastian pulled Claude's cheek.

"In this state, yes." Sebastian giggled and pressed the others noise twice.

"Beep beep!"

"How do you know?" Alois inquired.

"I'd rather not answer that question if you don't mind, Your Highness. "

"Fine, you can tell me in private later."

"Nooooo! Myy priivate, hehehe~!" Ciel face-palmed as his butler threw himself all over his arch nemesis's servant.

"M-mister Sebastian? Are you awake now? Oh! Master Ciel you’re up!" Mey-Rin peaked in the half open door, freezing when she saw Sebastian in Claude's arms.

"M-Mister Sebastian! Are you alright!" She rushed in, not getting to close and flailing awkwardly in panic. Sebastian cuddled up into the golden eyed demon's chest.

"Go waay. Claaaude, take me." The scarlet eyed demon’s eyes sparkled as he moaned the sentence. Blood poured out from the maid’s nose and she desperately tried to cover it, stuttering apologies.

"I believe he means I will take care of him." Claude said plainly.

"Noooo, take meee." Sebastian pleaded up at the other.

"M-my apologies!! I'll return to the k-kitchen!" The poor maid ran out the room yelling apologies, leaving a trail of blood behind her.

"Well Sebastian's certainly a fun drunk! Looks like you'll be cooking lunch Claude!"

"Yes, your Highness."

"I'll take care of Ciel you take care of the wet one."

"Yes, your Highness."

"Wet?" Ciel looked at Alois horrified.

"Well he'd certainly not dry." The blond said dragging him out by the hand.

"Wait! But-!"

"Come now Ciel! Let’s go play chess till lunch!" Alois said, running off towards the study with the other teen in tow.

Once the two were gone Sebastian giggled again.

"Cllaaaaude~ Beeed~"

Claude rose an eyebrow looking down at the ravenette, who smiled suggestively and tugged at the front of his shirt. The demon smirked and went back over to the bed, placing Sebastian down onto it slowly. Sebastian smiled in anticipation and laid himself out as invitation. Claude smirked again and turned around, walking away and out the room. Sebastian sat up and watched confused as Claude left out the door. Once he was gone Sebastian pouted looking upset before he struggled to get up and hurry after him, tripping on his own feet as he tried to.

After one foot in the wrong space of floor he slipped on his vest and landed on his side, not really feeling it and getting back up to follow the other. The hall seemed to sway as he ran down it, following after Claude's tall black clad figure. He eventually caught up and tried to grab the others tailcoat. It was like a cat’s tail, only two of them. They flew in the wind after Claude like, like... Something that flies in the wind after a person walking fast. Tentacles perhaps.

Giving up on grabbing the tentacles he instead flopped forward, landing on the others back and groaning lazily.

"You left me lone. Bastard."

"I'm sure you won’t mind later Mr Michaels, and if we are not to be fighting I suggest you either be helpful or silent."

"Got iiit. Silent as the grave. Ten feet under. You ain't gonna get a word outa-Woo-ahh!" Claude sighed before turning to look down at the drunk who'd tripped on air and was currently laying on his back.

"Hehe~ Woops!" He stretched his arms up to be picked up, smiling gleefully. Claude rose an eyebrow and scoffed before turning and walking off, leaving him alone on his back again.

"Uugh." Sebastian moaned irritated, his plan to pull the other down foiled. Instead he was lead all the way downstairs to the kitchen. Somewhere during the journey he had reattached himself to the other's back, and now Claude attempted to detach him in order to start on lunch. Sebastian heartedly refused, clinging to the other like a monkey child, legs and arms wrapped around the other tightly as he giggling.

"Uuhhh? Mr Sebastian?" Bard stood in the back doorway, cigarette at his feet as it had fallen out of his mouth from the shocking sight.

"I assume you are the cook?"

"Pfffft! Hahahaha-chchch-! Ha!" Claude ignored Sebastian's outburst and continued struggling to remove him from his back.

"Uuuh, yeah. What's up with Mr. Sebastian? And who are you again? I recall ur face."

"I am butler to the Lord Trancy whom is visiting today, Claude Faustus."

"Ahh, right." Bard gave a cough, "So what’s with... Err?" He gestured to Sebastian whom had a pouty face and was nuzzling Claude's cheek in an animalistic manner.

Claude managed to pry Sebastian off and seat him on the kitchen bench finally before continuing, causing Sebastian to pout and twirl his long black fringe with a finger.

"Mr. Michaels is extremely intoxicated, and therefore unable to perform his duties. I shall perform in his place instead. You are not needed, please feel free to go about your business, Mr. Bardroy." Claude then turned away and began searching for cooking utensils.

"Umm, all right then..." Unable to argue, too shocked that Sebastian had poked his tongue at him and was currently eyeing Claude's ass as the other was bending over fetching a pan, he left to go help Finny instead.

Glad to be rid of the useless nuisance of a cook Claude set to work, ignoring Sebastian's suggestive stares.

As he started to chop all the vegetables finely Sebastian unbuttoned his shirt a little and made a small moan like sigh, looking sideways at the other as he slid closer on the bench, taking an uncut carrot and giving it a good licking before putting it in his mouth and moaning.

Claude groaned irritated and grabbed the carrot out the others mouth, quickly slicing it and adding it to the baking tray before oiling it and putting the veg in the oven. Sebastian pouted and gave a whine.

"Cllaaaaude! Why'd you take way my toy!" He whined, slipping off the bench. "Ur gonna hav’ ta make up f’r it now by givin’ me something better~” He whispered, coming up behind the other before wrapping his arms around his waist and giving Claude's lower regions a good squeeze. Claude's eye's narrowed as he looked sideways at the other, who began rubbing him and smiling flirtatiously.

The golden eyed demon grabbed Sebastian's hand before it slipped into his pants, glaring warningly at the drunk who pouted. Sebastian was pushed aside while the other took out the poultry to gut and slice, which he did in seconds.

"Claauuude, I want yoooou~" Sebastian whined sexily, rubbing up against the others side, an obvious hard on pressing into Claude's hip. Claude ignored him and began basting the chook.

"Cllaaaudeeyyyy~ Come ooon~!"

"What in hell drove you to become so inebriated this time?" Claude asked irritated.

"M on strike." Sebastian said matter-of-factly.

"For what purpose?"

"I don't know, yet! I'll figure something out. Brat 'l give me a reason sooner 'r later. Something to do with cats..." He replied looking thoughtful. That at least bought Claude some time to not be humped by the drunk while he cooked.

While the chicken breast was boiled in white wine he began making a quick bread loaf. As he kneaded the dough Sebastian gave a moan, looking longingly at Claude's hands.

"Oh God do that to my ass next." He practically gasped.

"I'm cooking." The demon replied, seeming unfazed while Sebastian suffered from his growing erection.

"Well you could be cocking." Sebastian said matter-of-fact, before giggly at his own joke. When the amusement wore off he continued to complain. Claude hid an amused smile as Sebastian rolled around on the bench whimpering, beginning to make horse noises at some point and entertaining himself with cutlery people. It appeared the spoons had declared war on the forks, unfortunately for them the knives, the most feared and sharp warriors, were partnered with the forks, and therefore the spoons suffered a horrendous defeat. Fortunately for them the birth of a spork had brought peace to the land of kitchen bench, and a great celebration was taking place. Even Sebastian seemed to be as happy as the spoons, moved to tears by his own imagination.

Claude shook his head at the childish display and reached for some of the silverware. Sebastian's eyes shot over to him and he quickly grabbed all the cutlery, hugging it tightly with a horrified expression.

"Mr Michaels, I'm going to need-"

"I won’t let you take them! For too long they have been abused! Eaten off! Drowned in the sink! I won’t have it! I won’t let you take my friends!" Sebastian yelled on the verge of tears. Claude narrowed his eyes.

"You’re being redic-"

"You can't have them!" Sebastian shoved all the cutlery into his clothes before looking at the other defiantly.

"Very well." Claude instead took out two gold forks and two gold knives from the confines of his jacket.

"No!" Sebastian grabbed the cutlery and shoved it into his pants. Claude's mouth twitched and he took out another lot, which were also swiped from him. This continued till Claude ran out of cutlery, and Sebastian was left smiling smugly at his victory, no evidence he even had the cutlery hiding within his clothes.

The golden eyed demon sighed and removed his glasses to rub his eyes annoyed before returning to cooking the food. All he could really do now was hope Sebastian didn't start getting sentimental about the plates and glasses as he set them up on the cart and took out a bottle of wine his master had insisted he bring, somehow hidden in the confines of his jacket unnoticed.

Sebastian watched closely as Claude sliced two pieces of bread, placing them on the plate, putting a layer of veg on top, then a piece of chicken breast, then a few more veg and herb before topping it off with a thick white wine sauce.

Sebastian hung upside down from the kitchen knife rack, his eyes following all Claude's movements as he placed the silver lid over the steaming meals.

It took him a moment to realize the other butler had left, taking the lunch trolley with him. He quickly jumped off and ran after the other, bashing into the doorway on the way out. Top drunk speed he followed the other towards Ciel's study, struggling to keep up with the fleet footed and unfairly sober demon. A few kisses would fix that soon enough.

It didn't take long to arrive before the great wooden double doors to the study, and Sebastian smiled cutely at the other, standing behind him like a faithful dog. How ironic.

Claude went to open the doors, raising his eyebrows as he did from the odd but recognizable noises on the other side. Well then.

Uncaring he opened the doors, without thought of how quietly he'd done it, leaving the two lords on the couch completely unaware of his presence. They were a little busy anyway.

Alois was over Ciel, between the others open legs with his arms around his neck, while Ciel was leaning back on the sofa arm as Alois sucked his lips off. Loud sloppy noises sounded as they messily made out, their clothed lower bodied rubbing together. Both of their attire was highly dishevelled, not that Ciel's had been that neat to begin with. The two moaned and kissed, Ciel's eye fluttering open slightly, intending to look at the other erotic expression. Instead he glimpsed the two black clad butlers in the corners of his eye. Ciel quickly shoved Alois off.

"Ha hahahaha! We saaaaw yooooou!" Sebastian laughed smugly.

"I have no idea what you talking about! We were simply discussing business accounts!" Ciel denied, wiping his mouth and straightening his clothes.

"With your tongues?" Sebastian asked smugly.

"Don't be absurd! You’re so drunk you’re seeing things." Ciel said confidently, standing up from the couch.

"III saaaww uuuuu, hoorny brats!" Ciel was about to replied angrily but Alois's depressed sigh interrupted him. The blond was leaning against the chair arm looking disappointed.

"Ugh, why couldn't you have started it?" He groaned.

"What? Why would that matter?" Ciel asked confused.

"You would have only seen the other side and you wouldn't have known they'd come in." Alois said still depressed. It took Ciel a moment to understand Alois was referring to his eyepatch covered eye ending up on the side he had seen them with if he had started it and been on top rather than Alois. He frowned, which looked more like a pout, and turned away from them. Alois turned to Claude and mouthed 'I was that close!' before flopping on the couch.

Ciel made a cough after he had turned back around, straight faced as usual, and changed the subjects.

"We should go to the dining room."

"I have a better idea! Let’s eat outside!" Alois said, his mood suddenly bright.

"It's too cold." Ciel replied bluntly.

"Ciel, its sunny outside and there's barely a breeze." The blond stared back at Ciel smugly, ready to revoke any of the boy’s excuses.

"I don't have any shoes on."

"Big whoop. Come on!"

"But- Ah-!" Ciel almost tripped as he was dragged off out the study by the excited blond. Claude went to follow, but found a drunk softly pulling his arm for attention. He looked to Sebastian who gave him a cute sexy smile and pressed up against him.

"Kinky office desk sex?" Claude's expression didn't waver and he just looked back at Sebastian another few seconds before removing the arms around him and pushing the trolley out the room. Sebastian pouted grumpily but followed him downstairs and outside still.

Alois had forced Ciel to sit down at the back-garden table under the rose covered bird-cage like gazebo. Ciel wore a bored expression as the food was placed in front of them and the lids removed. The wine glasses were placed down and filled halfway with red before Claude stepped back and bowed.

Alois coughed for his attention.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"If it is the cutlery you are referring to I'm afraid you will have to take that argument up with Mr. Michaels."

"I WILL NEVER SURRENDER MY TROOPS!!! They're like family!" Sebastian said holding himself tightly to protect his 'troops' and tearing up.

"I see..." Ciel said, seeming rather concerned and weirded out.

"Well then~! Finger food it is!" Alois said happily, picking up his bread and taking a bite out of the meal. He made a noise in approval and continued, enticing Ciel to also try the food. It wasn't as good as Sebastian's obviously, but it was edible, it would do for the time being. Besides the wine made everything that little bit better.

"Master Ciel! What happened? We heard yelling!" Finny said running over, Bard not far behind.

"Nothing Finny, Sebastian was simply having a drunk outburst."

"Ehh?! So it's true misted Sebastian's drunk!?" Sebastian growled in response.

"You can't have them!!!" Finny looked at Sebastian confused as he hid behind Claude, looking at him menacingly.

They stayed like that for a matter of minutes, Bard and Finny looking slightly confused while Ciel and Alois ate. Sebastian began becoming friendly again, playing with Claude's hands lovingly and pressing himself against the stoic man’s back.

"Sebby darling!" Everyone turned to the loud redhead skipping over and back to Sebastian who groaned and flopped against Claude's back, already greatly exasperated.

"Who are you!?" Grell bitched at Claude, hand on hips and glaring up at the other.

"Apologies again," William said coming out of nowhere, his long-range hedge clipper coming between Grell and Claude, causing Grell to fall backwards though Claude stayed completely still, despite the clippers having made a small cut in his sleeve. He glanced at the reaper who had made himself present.

"Oh yes! Let’s just have all the crazies in my backyard!" Ciel practically yelled leaning into his hand.

"Something tells me that you don't actually want us all here." Alois said sceptically, pointing out the obvious.

"Of course not! Your enough crazy for me to handle!"

"Aww, Ciel." Alois covered his heart with his hand, looking touched.

"Ugh! No! I didn't mean like-! Grrrr!!" Ciel slammed his head down on the table and groaned, crockery clattering at the impact.

"Suitcliffe. This is your last warning before I demote you to a nail clipper. You are not to use your work hours to come see that disgusting creature." William deadpanned while Sebastian looked highly offended.

"DISGUSTING CREATURE! How dare you! Asshole! Do you think I don't have feelings or something you jerk!? You’re telling that bitch to stay away from me, great! Then keep that stupid slut out of my hair and don't fucking call me shit just 'cause you can't keep your whore from throwing itself at anything that walks!!!" Sebastian finished yelling and panted, glaring at the stoic Shinigami.

"Y-you think I'm a bitchy whore?" Grell looked torn.

"Shut up slut!" Grell was shocked silent.

"My apologies for Mr. Michaels behaviour. He is highly intoxicated." Claude said stepping forward in front of Sebastian and taken Williams 'scythe' in his hand, before forcing it back at its bearer.

"Intoxicated... How disgusting."

"He called me disgusting again!" Sebastian said, bursting into tears, shocking everyone.

Claude groaned while Alois giggled. Sebastian cuddled against the spider demon, his tears dampening Claude's back. The golden eyed demon was actual fighting a smile from the others display of weakness.

"Claude! I order you to comfort the poor sod!" Potential smile gone. Alois was dead serious, fighting laughter as Claude's eyes narrowed at him. Ciel looked ready to giggle too, now the shock had subsided.

"As you wish, you Highness." He replied coldly, letting Sebastian glomp his front and patting his back, looking annoyed.

"Claude? What a lovely name~ Such a handsome man~ Tell me, how would you like me to bear your babies?" The redhead asked getting closer, looking as seductive as he could. Williams eye twitched.

Sebastian glared darkly, his eyes turning purple with slitted pupils and bearing his sharp demonic teeth at him with a low growl. The growl was followed by a demonic sounding hiss-like-roar while he clutched Claude's front. His sharp nails tore the demons vest, causing the tall demon megane's eye to twitch.

"Eh? Is there an animal in the garden?" Finny wondered, as he and Bard began looking for the source of the roar.

"Mine!" Sebastian hissed at Grell, drawing blood with his nails possessively while Claude did his best not to show it was a turn on. To be fair, any demon with any sort of sexual desire would be turned on.

"Master Ciel! Are you alright! We heard a monster!" Mey-Rin said rushing over with Snake behind her.

"We're looking for it now." Bard said.

"I think it’s an angry bunny that needs cuddling!" Finny said looking around in the bushed vigorously with a bright smile.

"Your opinions are cute... Er, says Oscar." Snake said looking at Finny fixedly.

"Monster?" Sebastian sniffed and began crying again, causing Snake and Mey-Rin to freak out a little while Bard and Finny explained.

Sebastian shoved his face in Claude's chest sobbing and the other sighed, beginning to pet his back reluctantly again.

"As much as I hate your kind, I must commend you on dealing with him. I wouldn't bother." William said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"I wish it were the first time. You become accustom to it." Claude replied quietly making, William raise a brow.

"Either way-"

"William darling!" Grell yelled, clinging to his boss's side.

"Claaaude~ fuck me~" Sebastian practically moaned, licking the blood on the others chest.

"... I share your pain." William finished and Claude gave a slight nod, all he could as Sebastian dove his tongue into the cuts.

"Sebastian stop that, it really is disgusting." Ciel complained.

"I think it's hot. Cieeelll~ Why don't you fuck meee~" Alois said leaning over making a pout. Ciel face palmed and leaned back away. There was way too much 'horny' floating around in his garden.

Claude moved Sebastian off his front, his upper body clothing changed in a flash to a fresh pair and his old ones vaporizing without any of the human or snake servants noticing. Sebastian giggled.

"I saaaw~ too sloowWow!" Sebastian fell to the side, tripping on his own feet. The ravenette groaned and lay on his back.

"'M not getting up."

"Very well." Claude replied uncaring.

"William! Kiss me!" Grell announced puckering his glossy lips to William.

The servants were at a loss as to what to do and stood in a line confused, Mey-Rin had taken to leaning on Bard's side, for fear she would fall and faint, as they watched baffled. Ciel looked pained.

"Why would I do that, Mr Suitcliffe?"

"Obviously you love me! Why else would you keep me away from such sexy men so much! You want to keep me all to yourself~" Grell said puckering again.

"I only wish for you to do your job rather than slack off."

"Oh but William~ you-" Grell was cut short by a loud yell from one of the servants.

"Waaah!!" Finny had yelped out, looking oddly uncomfortable as he appeared to stand as still as possible, body involuntarily shaking.

"Don't move, says Wordsworth." Snake said, putting a hand on Finny's hip to keep him still as he stood behind him looking fixedly at his ass. Finny gasped and blushed as Snake reached into his pants, making an odd noise as a long snake was pulled out of his trousers, sliding past his privates and between his ass. Finny covered his mouth to muffle the sound as the snake was pulled out completely. He blushed and stepped away from the other.

"I-it slid up my pants." He said looking embarrassed and a little hot. "I-I'm going to go look for the bunny rabbit!" Finny said rushing off. Snake watched him scamper away and then looked to the snake he held.

"Good work Goethe... says Oscar." Snake covered up quickly.

"Yeah, cause Oscar reeally enjoyed that." Alois commented sarcastically, looking at Snake knowingly while the other blushed.

"Look Master, It's Mr Indian Prince and Mr Agni." Bard said pointing his thumb over at the two with a smile as they waved walking up to the group.

"Ciel!!! I hope you don't mind I parked my Elephant out the front!" Ciel faced palmed.

"What an odd transportation choice." William commented in a mumble and Claude nodded in agreement.

Soma ran over to the gathering smiling brightly.

"Ciel! I came to see you! The town house was too lonely!" He smiled and sat down with Ciel and Alois. Alois looked at Ciel and then the Indian prince, and back for some sort of explanation, but Ciel just shook his head exhausted. Soma smiled at Alois and introduced himself.

"Nice to meet you! I am Prince Soma of Bulgaria! -"

"YES YES! Skip the intro Soma!" Ciel growled annoyed.

"Ciel, you should be more kind in front of a beautiful woman! Right Agni!?" Agni nodded proudly to his prince.

"B-beautiful woman?" Mey-Rin stuttered, knowing she was the only woman present.

"Oh! Such flattery!" Grell said blushing.

"Not you imbecile! He's talking about Alois!" Ciel yelled annoyed.

"So that is the lady's name! A pleasure." Soma said taking a shocked Alois's hand and kissing his knuckles like Sebastian had taught him to greet an English woman.

"E-er, I'm a guy." Alois said confused, pulling his hand away and looking at Ciel, who seemed torn between amused at Soma's stupidity and annoyed by it.

"Really?!" Alois nodded awkwardly and Soma began thinking deeply.

"Mey-Rin, Bard, Snake. Go do your jobs and stop standing there." Ciel ordered sighing, already exhausted, though he had just woken up.

"Y-yes!"

"Yes sir!"

"Yesss, says Bronte." Bard took Mey-Rin’s hand and the two left for the house, Bard having decided he was going to help the klutz with her chores.

"We should go help Finny find the tasty rabbit, says Wordsworth." Snake said before walking off into the garden to find the other.

Soma smiled a few moments with Agni in silence, before he looked around confused at all those present and turned to Ciel.

"Where is mister Sebastian?" Agni nodded, looking concerned. Ciel groaned and pointed to Claude, just as Sebastian poked his head out from behind the other and giggled.

"He's drunk." Alois explained, shocking the two.

"Mr Michaels! I am disappointed in you. Drunk when you should be caring for your beloved master!" Agni said.

"Beloved?" Alois then cracked up laughing.

"You should be ashamed." Soma added.

"And hiding behind a friend too! You have become spineless!"

"Friend?! Hahaha!" Alois almost fell over how hard he was laughing. How naive were these idiots?!

Sebastian poked his tongue out at the two, hanging over Claude.

"M not drunk! Seee! I c'n walk 'n a straight linne!" Sebastian proclaimed, standing himself and taking a few steps, veering to the right and falling on his side.

Everyone stared as a blur of red attempted to jump on top of the fallen ravenette, foiled by William pulling him back by his hair.  
"Is it just me or is Sebastian getting worse?" Alois questioned as Sebastian groaned, still flat on his stomach.

"It's probably the attention." Claude said, ignoring the drunk.

"But Will-! Ahh-!" Grell was dragged off by his long red hair, William looking more than pissed as he dragged the other off, promising the red head he would be doing overtime for weeks after this.

Ciel coughed, finishing his wine and standing, now he and Alois had finished their meals.

"Shall we go back inside?" Alois nodded and Claude quickly cleaned everything up, throwing Sebastian over his shoulder and following the two lords inside with the trolley.

"Ciel wait!" Soma was ignored and as the two ran up to the door after the four it was shut in their faces, locking them outside.

"Hmph. How rude. I suppose Ciel wants private time with his new girlfriend." Soma sighed and turned to Agni. "Let's go back home to bed and you can please me there for the rest of the day." Soma said suggestively. Agni moved to tears bowed deeply, honoured to have such a privilege as pleasuring his master.

Alois and Ciel returned to the study for a game of chess and Claude was ordered to clean up around the house and care for the drunk.

Currently he was cleaning the chandler as Sebastian lay on the table under him in the dining room. The scarlet eyed demons whining never ceased.

"Mmm hornnnyyy!!" Claude payed little attention to the drunk's advances. "Doo meee~"

Once the dining room was cleaned Sebastian followed Claude through the house as he cleaned up, complaining all the while.

"Come ooon~! Claaude~ I want your d-" "Quiet Michaels." He snapped, busy dusting the paintings in the hall.

"It’s too hot~" He moaned, starting to strip. All the cutlery from earlier fell to the floor as he removed his shirt and pants, leaning against the wall and breathing heavily in only his tight jocks, even tighter because of his erection. "Hooooot." Sebastian whined, his body sweating. Claude ignored him, a light blush dusting his cheeks as he continued to clean, picking up all the cutlery and Sebastian's clothes. He put away his own gold knives and forks before folding the drunk’s clothes. It would be too difficult trying to get them back on, he'd get cold and want them soon enough.

Sebastian looked at him and frowned at being ignored.

"Claaaude, look at me~" Sebastian whined, tugging the side of his boxers down. His hand was stopped by the others and Claude glared at him.

"Enough." Sebastian glared back but stopped and continued following the other around, glaring constantly and looking as upset and angry as possible. Eventually he became so sick of the others sulking he actually began to feel slightly guilty. It was really irritating. He wouldn't say anything, he just hovered around sulking like a child. Claude groaned, brightening suddenly as he heard a tiny meow outside. He quickly grabbed the others arm and lead Sebastian outside. The other still didn't speak but seemed shocked at the sudden change as he was dragged off and lead to the bushes outside.

Sebastian watched intrigued as Claude bent over into the bushes, looking for something. Perhaps that rabbit creature Finnian had been going on about earlier?

Claude stood and held out two black fluff-balls. Soft looking fur, tiny paws, cute little noises and brown eyes. His heart melted as one of the kittens let out a tiny meow. Sulking forgotten he sunk to his knees in awe at their cuteness, a soft blush on his cheeks. Claude smiled smugly and passed him the two little kittens, which he began cuddling and petting lovingly.

While the drunk was happy and preoccupied Claude set to tidying the garden, as it gardener seemed to have disappeared somewhere.

As he tended to the shrubbery, ten minutes on from leaving Sebastian to entertain himself, he realized just how quiet and well behaved Sebastian was being. Highly unsettled he stood up and turned, looking over the bushes to see Sebastian had disappeared from where Claude had left him, two little kittens sleeping where he had once sat. Wonderful.

SPLASH! Quickly he followed in the direction of the noise, coming to the fountain. Lo and behold Sebastian was splashing around in the water naked, giggling his ass off as he played with the water. Claude's eyes narrowed.

"Michaels, get out."

"No! And don call me Michaels! What the fuck is a Michaels!?" Claude glared at the other and reached for him. Sebastian splashed at him, yet he somehow avoided the water completely. As he attempted to drag the ravenette out Sebastian giggled and ran around in the fountains water naked, like a small child refusing to get out of the bath and attempting a game of chaise instead.

Claude appeared to have given up, picking up the others underwear and looking like he was about to leave. Sebastian, feeling mischievous, giggled and grabbed his shoulders from behind, trying to pull the other demon into the water with him. His plan was foiled when the other twisted around, grabbing his arms, and lifted him over his shoulder. Sebastian squealed as he was lifted and then gasped as Claude's hand brushed against his ass.

"You’re going inside and getting dressed."

"No!" The scarlet eyed demon kicked and fussed, punching his back and screaming demonically.

"Stop chucking a tantrum." Claude said, walking towards the mansion, his jacket covering the others bare ass. Sebastian made a roar/hiss in reply, refusing to stop making a fuss as he was taken inside and the door shut behind them.

"What was that?" Finny gasped, his head and bare shoulders poking out of the bushes as he looked in the direction of the mansion. He had a few twigs and leaves stuck in his blond hair as he panted slightly.

Snake got up after and looked at Finny, seeming slightly dazed, his breathing also laboured.

"Probably a rabbit, says Goeth." Finny gasped as a snake slid up his bare side while Snakes scaly cold hand slid up his naked thigh and took hold of his hip, making him gasp as they both fell back onto the soft grass.

"Shut up or you'll be heard."

Sebastian continued chucking a hissy fit despite Claude's telling him not to and refused to sit still, the coat covering his ass constantly slipping off to reveal his pale cheeks.

"Aaah!" That shut him up, and his ass cheek was a bit redder now. Sebastian then kept quiet, silent with a blush on his face as Claude took him towards his bedroom to re-dress him.

Now that he had calmed down a bit Sebastian realized how Claude was holding him over his shoulder, his naked manhood rubbing against Claude's shoulder and the spider demons hand tight around his thin waist. He could still feel the sting on his ass, heat spreading to his ears as an idea came to mind.

Biting his lip her carefully grinded his lower regions into Claude's shoulder and moaned, earning himself another slap on the ass, five times harder than the last, deterring him from trying again but making him harder all the same.

He almost felt like a prehistoric woman, thrown over a strong man’s shoulder and being forced into his cave in order to become his. The thought made him giggle.

The door to his room was opened and he was thrown onto the bed, landing on his back on the mattress with a 'ouff' as Claude shut the door and began fishing through his drawers for a new set of clothes. Sebastian sat up, smiling naughtily at Claude's turned back and biting his lip as he opened his legs, so that when the other turned he'd get a full view.

Claude turned, stared a second and blushed, before going back to his emotionless stoic self and coming to Sebastian's side, towel magically in hand. Sebastian gasped as his head was engulfed in soft darkness and his hair rubbed dry. When his hair was dry Claude then rubbed his back, chest, and arms dry, making him blush and bite his lip. Finally once his legs were dried the other demon left the towel with him and brought the new set of butler attire over for him to change into.

Sebastian looked at the clothes he was passed and shook his head.

"You have no choice." Sebastian shook his head again. "You have to put something on." Another idea struck and Sebastian smiled.

"I'll wear your clothes~" Claude seemed to debate this, the two looking at each other intensely a few moments before Claude began to unbutton his over-coat, jacket already on the bed from when He had used it to cover Sebastian's ass. Sebastian watched, gaze unwavering, his eyes following Claude's fingers as he undid each button and removed his vest, placing it on the bed atop his jacket. Sebastian bit his lip as he undid his cuff buttons on his white shirt, before suddenly stripping fully and twisting around so he only got a glimpse of the others naked form from the back before turning around completely re-dressed in Sebastian's clothes the next second. The scarlet eyed demon groaned and flopped down on the bed. Really? That was all he got?

Claude smiled smugly, doing up the buttons on the cuffs of his sleeves and putting Sebastian's vest and jacket on.

"'M not putting them on." Sebastian groaned defiantly into the pillows.

"You are." Sebastian glared up at the other who glared back, still sporting a smug smile. He couldn't win, so he sighed and decided to make a compromise.

"Fine, but only the shirt and jocks." Sebastian said smiling smugly himself back at the other before starting to dress. Claude frowned but chose not to push for more.

"Hurry up. I need to get started on dinner." Sebastian mouthed his words over with a mocking expression before groaning and buttoning the white shirt that was a size too big.

"Clothes tight?" Sebastian questioned, slipping on the black boxers.

"Indeed." Claude replied watching as Sebastian walked behind him and towards the door.

"I can tell." Sebastian commented with a light giggle after taking a glimpse at the others behind, biting his lip out how his own trousers hugged the others tight ass.

Claude rose an eyebrow and followed the other out, walking towards the kitchen. At least the ravenette's motor skills had improved immensely, which meant he was thankfully sobering up.

The two walked to the kitchen, Claude grabbing the cutlery he had left in the hall earlier and taking it with him, being sure Sebastian didn't see, just in case.

Once in the kitchen Claude immediately began preparation for dinner, taking no notice of Bard who stood by the bench, ready to use a flame thrower on a dead pig. Sebastian sat himself on the bench, humming to himself and swinging his bare legs.

"Err, so what's f'r dinner?" Bard asked looking at Claude who ignored him and took the pig from in front of him. Feeling ignored and unneeded Bard frowned. "How can I help?"

"Leave. Mr, Michaels gets worse when he has an audience." Sebastian groaned at still being referred to by his last name by the other.

"Err, a'right." The blond left unsettled with leaving his kitchen to the strange Trancy butler a second time that day.

Sebastian watched inattentively as Claude made enough food for the entire house so the servants wouldn't starve due to the evidence of inedible charred food in the bin that had most likely been the 'cooks' attempt at lunch. Claude looked to Sebastian who seemed to be behaving, sitting quietly.

"Are you sober yet?" Claude questioned which seemed to make Sebastian think.

"Soon." Claude nodded but Sebastian didn't look finished.

Claude finished preparing the meal and placed the pig and veg in the oven to cook.

"I don' want to be sober. Your all mean when I'm dry." Sebastian finally said.

"My attitude does not change." Claude defended.

"It does, cause you like me all weak 'n' hot," He slipped off the kitchen bench and walked up to the spider demon, "you like feelin’ stronger and havin’ me beg you to take me." Sebastian said quietly, body pressed against the others front and leaning in for an open lip kiss. Claude stayed still, emotionless expression unchanging as Sebastian kissed him. It wasn't till Sebastian was practically biting his lips off and rubbing his crotch into his he stopped the other, holding him back by his shoulders.

"The kitchen is not a-mf" Sebastian ignored him and latched straight back on, rubbing up onto him with his arms wrapped around his neck to stop Claude from detaching him again. Annoyed he wasn't being listened to he yanked Sebastian's head back by his hair, causing the demon to moan at the rough treatment.

"As I was saying, the kitchen is not an appropriate setting for such actions." Sebastian smiled devilishly, his head still held back by Claude.

"Then let’s go where it is." Claude just glared at him, still holding his hair. A rough tug cause Sebastian to moan sexily again, his nails digging into the back of Claude's neck, sending lust like electricity through his nerves.

Decision made the spider demon pulled the others hands off his neck and dragged him off by the hair back in the direction of the head butler chambers.

In a second they had arrived, the door slammed shut behind them by Claude, and Sebastian was thrown violently down on the creaking bed. Though he was winded, which only made him hotter, Sebastian began ripping the shirt he wore off, Claude had already torn off his own while Sebastian struggled weakly with his as the spider demon had already gotten on top of him. His underwear was whipped off as if it had never been there and before his mind could process they were already naked and had started fucking. Sebastian screamed out from the sudden intrusion, nails tearing down Claude's back causing the other to grunt and hump harder into the other ass. The scarlet eyed butler somehow managed to turn himself around, abandoning the missionary position for doggy style. His bloodied nails tore at the sheets as the bed smashed into the wall from the power of Claude's thrusts. The golden eyed demon bit down his spine, making his back arch as the sharp teeth drew blood, rough hands holding his hips in place even as he tried to meet the others thrust. Claude changed the position now, pressing the other erect against the headboard on his knees with his legs open. Sebastian was being pounded into the wall as he screamed blissfully, clawing down the paint like a cat to a curtain.

Blood was dripping from his ass and hips now, Claude's nails digging into his hips as he struggled to keep the blood eyed demon still. Sebastian moaned and turned his head to see the other. Claude was still wearing his glasses and gave him a piercing stare as he struggled to keep from panting unevenly. Sebastian smiled smugly and took the glasses off, throwing them aside to reveal the others golden iris's, stronger and brighter than ever as Claude pounded into him. Sebastian took the golden eyed demons cheek in his hand before delivering a hot tongue kiss, growling into his mouth. Claude growled hotly and Sebastian hissed sexily, biting one another's tongues as the blood dripped out from their mouths. Sebastian's claws dragged down one of Claude's arms, slicing the flesh open while the demon held him tighter, bone crushing force applied around his waist and to the hand he now held that had been on the side of his face.

The crimson irised demon mewled and twisted around again, now sitting on the others lap and humping on his hard abdomen while the other fucked him into the wall, blood dripping down the once white paint. For a millisecond he wondered where the headboard had gone.

Sebastian held tight around the others neck as he felt his abdomen tighten, biting down into Claude's shoulder and moaning as he spilled himself. Claude grunted as the pressure increased around his cock, so hard it might break. His own release spilled into the others ass as he gripped tighter to Sebastian's hip.

Sebastian leaned limply into Claude while the other sighed and leaned back on his hands.

"When did the bed break?" Sebastian wondered out loud breathlessly, realizing the headboard had fallen off and the bed itself had collapsed. The wall was covered in blood and deep gouges, as were the sheets and his pillow which had been shredded, bird feathers sticking to the blood dripping down their skin. Claude chuckled at the question, panting himself. They were covered in blood too, really looking like the horrid bloody monsters they were.

"You sober yet?" Claude questioned, smiling smugly down at the other who was leaning into his chest. Sebastian coughed looking unfazed beside the tint of pink on his cheeks.

"Yes, and we never speak of this again. Agreed?"

"Agreed." Sebastian nodded approvingly and crawled off. "Just like the other five times." Claude mumbled, also getting up to clean off and get dressed before finishing dinner.

 

§

 

Alois sighed blissfully and rolled off Ciel, the others wet and limp cock slipping out his ass. Ciel was panting heavily, still blushing red. The two were naked besides their socks, the blonde’s dirty with cum just like the bed's sheets.

"We never speak of this again." Ciel said, glaring at the other, still blushing with his eyepatch removed and thrown somewhere in the room after Alois had removed it with his mouth.

Alois giggled, tilting his head cutely with his fingers crossed, hidden by his side.

"Agreed~"

 

"Hohoho~"

**Author's Note:**

> :D Have a nice day! Kudos if you laughed and even if you didn't cause hey you wasted all that time reading it might as well ;p


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